3 IMPORTANT RULES FOR “MISS LAME” IN SO FAR:
1. It’s FOOTBALL.
2. DISCONTINUE USE OF THE WORD “PANTS”…
Pants ≠ apparel which spans the whole leg length which can be found in various styles including “skinny”, “boot cut”, “high-waisted”…
Pants = PANT”ies”!
Saying something as innocent as “Those are some nice pants!”… Or worse yet, “WHAT DID YOU DO! Your pants are all dirty/wet…” would be taken VERY wrong.
I am 99.9% certain I will continue to slip up and say “pants”, at least for a while, so I have decided to take a pre-emptive approach to the issue when I start to work at schools. Being lame with no shame comes in handy in scenarios like these as it enables me to lay it out on the table and prepare those around me for my less-than-smooth ways.
“Hi class. Nice to meet you. My name is Miss Lame. I will say pants sometimes. When I do, I mean trousers.”
3. The saying “look BOTH ways when crossing the street” is necessary for my livelihood here.
My hyperactive, act-without-thinking tendencies in combination with my graceless, laborious approach to identifying left from right (creating an “L” shape my left hand thumb and pointer finger…) is a deadly mix for road crossing here… Looking BOTH ways before crossing the street is the least mentally strenuous approach as there is no deductive reasoning with my hands required and ensures that I don’t get run over by a car, whether I naturally look the Canadian direction first or not.
Over the years I’ve just learned how to work with my “special exceptionalities”… as you can see.
I cannot believe I’m here and I can’t imagine not being here!
“I cannot believe this is my home” … I catch myself thinking this and sharing this thought with whoever happens to be standing with me, many times a day. Yes, I talk to strangers… All the time… Part of being lame with no shame.
How do I even start to explain my first week here in London England? Life is so exciting and uprooted and unpredictable. From London Ontario to London England, I feel so strong and out of balance all at the same time. I love it.
The history that stretches in front of me, from the cobble at my feet to the grandiose, classic structures towering above me, makes my chest feel heavy and my skin raise. I want to touch it. I want to experience it fully. This city is so aged and experienced, yet so lively. So rich with history and culture, I stare, admire and try my best to absorb everything that I possibly can… Again. I cannot believe this is my home.
My first week was busy with sorting out life matters, thus purposeful, carefree exploration was less than one would expect. My exploration included figuring out the transit system (buses and “The Tube”) and seeing various pockets of the city in order to complete particular tasks. Days were spent running from one appointment, to the next… to the next, hovering over the oven while I made dinner and eating it all at the same time and then rushing out the door to view flats in a race against all other flat seekers! It was completely dizzying and anxiety provoking at times.
Let me tell you something about flat hunting in London England… It is unbelievably hurried and vicious! As soon as a good flat arises, it is snatched up within the day. The pressure to drop whatever you are doing to go and see a flat on the fly is incredible! Because if you do not YOU WILL MISS OUT.
Of course with the intense hustle-bustle of my first week in London, there was the odd super-dork moments that came up…
Introducing a super-dork/Miss Lame moment:
After receiving a tour of a gorgeous potential flat, I had the opportunity to meet and chat with the lovely current group of tenants. We chatted about the usual… What we did for a living, where we were from etc. One of the tenants than mentioned a few more features about the flat. As she named a few typical items/features my attention span dwindled, as I started to get excited about the rental space…
Tenant: “blah, la, la, blah… and a kitty…”
My brain: “KITTY!!!!!!!!!”
Excitedly, I exclaimed “OH! You have a kitty! I love cats! Where is it? I would love to meet it!”… As I spoke enthusiastically they all stared at me with a slight confused smirk…
My brain: “Whatttt did I say??????”
… and then broke out into laughter…
Tenant: Laughing…“Like, a kitty of cleaning supplies.”
Did I mention I have trouble thinking before speaking?
The instant I heard “kitty” all that stood out in my head was an image of a sweet cat that I could befriend.
A SEVEN HOUR EXPLORATION! (Last Friday)
After a week of busy-ness and responsibility, the sole purpose of this past Friday was ADVENTURE and LEARNING!!!!
I had the opportunity to truly explore some of the beautiful, historical pieces of London with the guidance and wisdom of a charming British man named Matt. How on earth, within one week’s stay in London England did I manage to find myself a lovely gent to spend the day with?? We just so happened to have seats next to each other on my connecting flight from Iceland to London Heathrow, during which we talked and connected quite immediately!
Matt’s initial instructions were to meet at Waterloo Tube Station... I arrived to the gift of a GIGANTIC Ferris wheel ride (“The London Eye”) along –side the River Thames and overlooking central London. As we reached the peak of the enormous loop, with a breathtaking view of the city, Matt pointed out his plans for our path of exploration.
After the sky-high experience we walked from the “London Eye” towards Westminster Bridge, dodging and hopping over the recently created rain puddles as we continued on our adventure! We crossed the bridge and approached Big Ben and the Parliament buildings attached, with their gorgeous vertical, pointed features and gold leaf accents. Beautiful. Matt informed me that more recently, a man dressed in a Spiderman costume and scaled the side of Big Ben as a protest. Cool.
Continuing on, we walk alongside Parliament square, which was bordered with dishevelled tents, which Matt informed me, contained people who have been there for 10 years now in protest of war in Iraq. In the square, there was also a statue of Sir Winston Churchill, who Matt, with his incredible knowledge of military history, enthusiastically educated me on his leadership role in the Second World War and his part in the popularization of the peace sign, “V” for victory, as the war drew to a close. However, Mr. Churchill was also known to be a cantankerous character, with a particularly abrupt and witty, yet absolutely brutal approach to those who challenged him.
While he is known for his powerful words and messages he also had some hilariously brutal statements that he is remembered by as well.
We then toured Westminster Abby- Completed in 1090, 921 years old… OLD. Craning my neck to pier up at the immense, high arching ceilings, absolutely amazed, I wondered how the fuck this grand structure could ever be created with the tools and technology of 1090…??? We wander and wondered about the tombs, the knights’ flags, the code of arms and symbols that we saw around us… If only we could “google it”, we often thought…
We ate sandwiches in Trafalgar Square, scaling up the side of Nelson’s Column to sit, eat and take in the excitable energy and hustle bustle of touring folks and whizzing by cars and big red double decker buses.
Next, we were off towards Buckingham Palace, where we watched the VERY STILL guards in red with tall poufy hats, carry out their traditional regime of switching posts. The tall hats really do have minimizing effect, and (in my opinion) make grown men look like little 12 year old boys dressed like nut crackers!
To sum up this incredible day, we “tubed-it” to Covent Garden Market, where we observed a man singing, operatic style, with jeans on an a casual T-shirt. Not your typical opera singing “get up”. We then sat at a road side café, drinking wine under a big umbrella while it POURED rain all about us. The cobble road gleamed in the downpour and colourful umbrellas dashed around us!
Did I mention this day was INCREDIBLE?
This day of adventure was perfect and left me feeling completely special and (yet again) in awe of this amazing city.
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