Monday, 29 August 2011

Why "Miss Lame"?

Getting ready to go:

My departure to London England from London Ontario was drawing near and things, time, my final experiences in Canada, felt blurred by my busy brain.  One might expect emotional spikes and crashes during a time like this, with tears and sadness taking over as I thought about the loss generated by such a big change and extreme excitement at other moments as I thought about the new adventure upon which I was about to embark. Don’t get me wrong, those feelings were there but did not seem to surface or overpowered me to the point of external expression.
I felt so awkward saying goodbyes to people I cared so deeply about. Emotionally numb… or stunned or something. Tears came at strange times, in small bits, like while I sat all alone in the work office, typing up an email for example, and not when confronted by a loved one for a final goodbye. 
The Circumstance:         
A dear client, friend or family member, with the threat of tears in their eyes and the choked up strain in their voice would say something along the lines of “…I am going to miss you…”
With conscious deliberation, I had to will the same intensity of emotion into my voice to let that special person know I will miss them too, all the while my logic brain is actively working through the multitude of great reasons why I should be emotional too.
I might as well have shrugged my shoulders and walked away saying "see yah!"…
What the HECK??? 
I recall feeling like a complete space cadet while sitting with my family around the big circular table at the centre of our little cottage on Jumping Caribou Lake, an hour north of North Bay with only a week left in Canada. Not completely thinking about anything specific, as it's hard to think about something so unknown, I missed out on much of the conversations and caught myself forcing laughter as I grasped snapshots of the conversations and observe hearty laughter coming from my family members.  I even miss out on the obvious fart and the very basic, always entertaining jokes to follow... It was only when the potent odour hit me that I was brought back to the happenings of the table.
Interesting Science Dork Fact: They say that the olfactory (scent) sensory system is one of the most powerful in the human body. That we have a lot of genetic information dedicated to this system.  Historically/evolutionarily, we have hugely depended on this system for survival/livelihood and only in the past hundred years in particular (Industrial Revolution) have we grown to rely more heavily on our visual system in particular... Just check out your average video game of today! A visual MIND INTERCOURSE! HOLY SMOKES. 
SO, what is this journey about?...  
Becoming Ms. Lame...


Why use Miss “Lame” as my unassumed name?  If you asked my friends, they would immediately know why... Plain and simple- I am lame. Super-dork moments happen to me ALL the time as you will find with the continuation of this blog.
This is due to a combination of factors:
1.  My hyperactivity (When my ability to move about is suppressed, I often feel like I am going to explode from the inside out… very uncomfortable and can result in spastic dance and excitable outbursts)
 2.  I do not excel at thinking before acting/speaking  (Like the time I worked as an ECG Technician. I informed patients that I was going to transfer them into the next room over to perform some “testies” as appose to “tests”…MEDICAL TESTS…  I have this natural tendency to attach “ie” and “ies” on the end of words… A cutesy thing… like“I enjoy  being dancie” or “my obliquies are sore”… “Testies”… Not so cute…)
3. My boisterous voice that I tend to have difficulty moderating (Hard evidence: “Loudest Girl Award” at my High School Graduation… OR, just ask a reference, AKA ANYONE who has met me.)
While I spent my second last week in Canada with my family at the cottage, it was easy to see that my lameness is highly genetic... 
A prime example is when my Dad asked me to help hold a measuring tape while he checked the square-ness of the deck frame he was constructing. A super-dork Engineer, he excitedly asked me to apply the Pythagorian Theorem... 

Dad: “If this side is 3 feet and that side is 4 feet than what should the diagonal distance be? 

He beamed as together we verbally workout the simple concept (a² + b² = c²) and he was practically jumping for joy as we came up with the solution and he was able to explain the “3-4-5 rule” of carpentry???  
This reminds me of the month or two in Grade 5 that I spent learning the multiplication table up to 12 with my Dad as a trade-off for getting my ears pierced... WHAT a nerd...
I love being lame though. Much of it stems from exuberance and excitement for life, which is a fantastic thing. There is so much to appreciate in this world if you look for it. Everyday. In everything. Also, I love generating laughter. And no, it is not at my expense, because I love being lame. I own it. 
NOTE: Any words that are bolded, italicized, underlined and in red are suggested/preferred words by Mom. She doesn’t like me saying words like fuck, shit, ass (etc) on the internet… I feel these words better illustrate my feelings as times, so just imagine them in there if you will.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Beth!

    Loving the first post, and looking forward to many many more. Obviously, this whole move has allowed you to step back and take a look at things from a new perspective, but I think you may be treating yourself a little harshly through this new transition.

    Firstly, emotional outbursts, are not the only signal that you will miss somebody. I, like you, don't very often cry at those kinds of moments. Maybe it is my overly positive view of things, as I would always rather remember and think of the good times that we have had than think of the fact that a person is leaving, or maybe I am emotionally stunted. I can't say for sure. But what I can say is that the true sign of missing someone is keeping in touch. I have had many friends move off to other countries since I graduated college, and while i would like to say that I kept in touch with everyone, that would be a lie. What I do know is that those that I truly miss, I take the time to be a part of their lives as best I can from this distance. So think not of your inability to shed forced tears as a sign that you wont miss people, instead show them that you miss them, by being a continued part of their lives.

    Secondly, there is nothing wrong with knowing your times tables. I remember my mom drilling my multiplication tables up to 12 into me in grade 1, so does that make me some kind of super nerd?! (and i never was allowed to get my ears pierced :P) Embrace the fact that your parents took the time to give you a proper education, which has clearly had some impact on you, as you know pursue a career as an educator.

    Thirdly, I flat out disagree with you that following your passion to teach is lame. I don't mean that in a harsh way, but rather that I find it so inspiring. How rare is it that people put their passion and their work together. And for you to travel to another country, leave all that is easy and comfortable behind to do what makes you happy, well that to me is the complete opposite of lame. I envy that you have found what you want to do, and that you have the guts to go out and make it a reality.

    Anyway, now that I have rambled on longer than your actual blog post, all I have to say is the things you describe above are the things that draw people to you. You are true to yourself, and there is nothing more that anybody can ask of you.

    Enjoy your new experiences and adventures in England, looking forward to hearing about them!!

    All the best!