BM

Moments for me: 1

The last two weeks of teaching before Easter holidays were, as the kids call it, “bare long”. Bare long and anxious.  Too much work, not enough Miss Lame time, or sleep. Also, my day-to-day had been uprooted by an unfortunate experience a few weeks before. Suddenly very disordered and inefficient, Miss Lame had to begin to navigate her teaching world she’s become accustom to for a year now, in a new way.  In those last two weeks, Miss Lame even started to feel detachment from her beautiful students, as her stress levels rose. The joy and heart of my teaching world was deteriorating too.

The last day of school. I stopped.  I decided, only relaxed, quality time with my students. A moment for me and for them- To end on a positive note.

“Step to the line if you’ve tried Canadian maple syrup”

… A community building activity, the statements start simple and fun, such as the example above, and progressively delved into more reflective and challenging requests- a focus on social awareness and bullying.  Students were invited to step to the masking tape line down the centre of the classroom if the statement applied to them, but they were not required- Their comfort was paramount. Students reflected and related together, as a unit. They saw that their experiences were not unlike their peers.

“Step to the line if you’ve ever felt bullied”- nearly 100% of students hesitantly stepped forward.

Powerful.

The final request “Step to the line if you could use a dose of dancing right about now!”

Tension broken, my students laughed and leapt on to the line.

Music on, Miss Lame carefully chose the new fad song- “Harlem Shake”. “Gangnam Style” is out.

WALL FLOWERS!!!!! Arms crossed, grinning, my students stood around the perimeter of dance floor we had created in the centre of my classroom. Softly chatting with their neighbouring friends, grinning shyly as I passed them by dancing and trying to engage them with my “chicken dance”.  The wallflowers were rooted and immovable. Then, unexpectedly, “C”, approaches me: “Miss Lame, would it be ok if I danced with you for this song?”

MISS LAME IS INSTANTLY OVERCOME WITH EXTREME JOY: “YESSSS!!!” I give “C” an scarily enthusiastic double high five. 

We begin jumping and flailing energetically, whilst the wallflowers grin and stay rooted. 

About “C”:

I’ve not met a more impressive individual of the age of 13- so kind-hearted, driven and brave. “C” has recently been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease.  His diet for the previous 3 weeks had consisted of merely water and a high calorie, “vial” (as he puts it) shake, which he must carry on with for a month’s time. The treatment for his new diagnosis. "C" accepts this and carries on in his beautiful way.  “C” is also autistic and has the most wonderful things to share in the classroom. He is an absolute sponge for knowledge. Very sensitive to others, he apologises constantly:

C: “I’m sorry I’m late Miss Lame…” …“It’s ok “C”, don’t be sorry! I’m glad you’re here!”… C: “I’m sorry…” deeply sincere, “C” settles into his seat.

… Back to the dance party…

“C” and I dance our gosh darn hearts out for the entirety of “Harlem Shake” and at the end “C” approaches me again, “Ok, Miss Lame, I am tired now and need to rest. My condition makes me really, very tired… I am sorry.”

““C”! You’ve just made my week.”

In fact, this moment of joyous dance with “C” was the source of full-on smiles and random instances of laughter for Miss Lame for several days to follow.

…

Moments for me: 2

On holidays.

The first half week of my holidays was a whirl-wind of fun, friends, being out, eating out. This was lovely, but I quickly realised my internal tornado of anxiety built up from the last few weeks of teaching, had not yet quelled.

I needed to JUST STOP.

I did just that, for an ENTIRE DAY. A downright awesome, day-long “moment” for me.

Thursday April 3, 2013- To be marked as a day of dedication entirely to my lame self. A momentous occasion for Miss Lame.
   

PURE PAMPERING, PLEASURE AND GLUTTONY SCHEDULE:

1.       Sweat- A free trial of a “boot camp pilates” class with my dear friend Bea. We struggled and felt awkward together- giggling and making faces as we butchered the movements, while the stealth, serious pilates instructor and regulars swung their limbs around with pristine coordination. We were likely very annoying.

2.       Consume- mouth-watering parma ham, roasted tomato and mozzarella sandwich. Cappuccino. Omm nom nom!

3.       Sweat- Ironmonger Row Baths, owned by Spa London- Steam rooms, dry saunas, cold pools, hot ginger and peppermint teas, quite rooms for reading and sleeping.

4.       Get touched- Back massage treatment.

5.       Sweat- 30 more minutes of steam, heat, sweat. A nap in the quite room.

6.       Consume + movement- Glowing with warmth, Bea and I mowed down on whole red peppers and carrots coated in hummus as we dozily walked down the street… Heading for Swedish bakery- Cardamom bun. Cappuccino. Ommmmmmmm nom nom!

7.       Movement-  Carry on walking to my home with Bea. Feeling light and like a baby coming-to after a long nap.

8.       Consume- Dinner. Fresh salad with warm beetroot. Happy tummy, happy soul… Ommmm nom nom... AGAIN!

9.       Rest and digest- film with Bea

… making room in order to…

10.   Consume- White Rabbit for a freshly made salted caramel filled donut with ganache on the side and some hazelnut crumbly yum-yum.

… A lot of consuming.

A powerful realisation came to me, between consuming dinner and consuming donut.

The moment:

During the film, I turn to Bea, “Maybe before heading to get our donut we could pop into the Sainsbury’s to grab some hand soap for my bathroom… I’m all out”.  

My words hung in the air. 

Bea looks at me, semi-bewildered, likely holding back full-on bewildered feelings inside… And gently suggests popping into a corner shop if I need to grab some hand soap… “Do you need it today?”…

I come-to. I realise what I’ve just done.

Miss Lame's growing, subconscious need to accomplish something "purposeful" in her day, to be efficient, had slipped out and into the open living room space. Exposed. 

Maybe I should sharpen the knives, count coffee beans and organise the “stuff drawer” in my kitchen while I’m at it.

Gosh darn hand soap?!?!?!?! Unless that hunk of soap was to create a hot bubble bath or being rubbed all over my body by a beautiful man, the soap was NOT part of my purely pleasurable, pampered and gluttonous day!

I revoked my words and ate them whole: “Film then donuts straight after. Om nom nom!!!!”

Thank you Bea for helping me through this moment of clarity.

This seemingly minute slippery subconscious moment about hand soap, ultimately brought Miss Lame to the realisation that it has literally been YEARS- since she was a dependent, gallivanting, self-centered child, post 18- that she last made it through an ENTIRE day solely for her, with no “purposeful” task. 
A run to the grocery store, email to send, work, school or social thing to take on and coordinate, the possibilities for “purposeful” daily endeavours are endless for Miss Lame, and for years now, since I can remember, I've managed to make this possibilities a reality.

A NEW LEAF OF SELF LOVIN’ HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN TURNED.  There WILL be more days of pure pampering, pleasure and gluttony for Miss Lame. A band on "purposeful" endeavours. 

BM:

Brain Movement.

I’ve struggled quite a bit over the past 3 or so months, to have some sort of brain movement. I was seriously afflicted with a case of brain constipation. A kajumble of ideas, half passed. I was in an inconclusive state about my pending future. Fearful to make a decision about what direction to take my life, come the end of June, when my current working visa runs out.

Brain constipation = no writing inspiration.  

Miss Lame likes to write stories where she realises her direction, knows her emotions. It makes for a more meaningful and fluid writing experience.  Better constructed and deliberate, I imagine readers would connect with my words better and enjoy reading more. Much like in teaching, a successful lesson or message stems from having this big picture to work from. If you know where you want your lesson to end up, you share the message and content in a much more engaging way.

Bloated, stuck brain is uncomfortable.  Regular BMs feel great.

Recently, a particularly uprooting experience jerked my comfortable teaching world off-kilter (mentioned in the beginning of this entry).  This resulted in a major, successful BM. Finally.  Emotions rampaged out of my brain, down my motor neurons, into my hands and are converted to digital information in my computer. "Save".  

This writing purge contains sensitive subject matter and so, I've held off posting it. A part of my adventure in becoming Miss Lame, I've felt strong about the message and have struggled to move on to new topics since. 

Symptoms of brain constipation returning. 

Miss Lame's writing and life approach surrounds this idea of utter honesty. I feel a responsibility to myself and my readers to stay true to this approach.I want to paint a full picture. Be frank about experiences. I know I am not alone and I don't want to be afraid to say it. I love relating to others through honesty. 

Saying nothing does not promote change and growth.

My solution (laxative, so to speak): Friends of facebook please do not hesitate to request this BM by messaging me your email address. I will gladly send it along.

 NOTE: Any words that are bolded, italicized, underlined and in red are suggested/preferred words by Mom. She doesn’t like me saying words like fuck, shit, ass (etc) on the internet… I feel these words better illustrate my feelings at times, so just imagine them in there if you will.